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Monday, August 8, 2011

Change

I'm usually one to embrace change. Except for one area: My children growing up too fast. When Nathan was first born and I'd go anywhere with him, perfect strangers would stop us all the time. The one thing each one of them, without fail, would advice me to do was to enjoy every minute of it. They'd warn me that it will go by too fast. Sleep deprived as I was then, that didn't seem true. But it is.
Nathan will start school this year. Although I'm excited for him, I'm not quite sure I'm ready for it. Guess I don't have a choice. :-) I can't believe how much that little guy has changed and how big he is. Looking at his toddler pictures, it makes me so very sad that he's not that little boy anymore. Would I trade the little toddler boy for the boy he is now? No. I love to have conversations with him, listen to him teach Abigail, watching him loving on Isabelle and just melt when he is adoring his dad. Wouldn't trade those moments. But I also don't want him to grow up so fast.
Abigail is losing her baby-ness and sometimes when I look at her, the little woman she will be one day seems to show through. That puts fear in my heart. Even though the threes can be challenging, I love that little girl so much and want her to stay little just a while longer. Just love the way she talks at this stage, especially the way she lisps her letter "s". And she does talk a lot. :-) She has completely switched to imaginary playing with Nathan rather than the toddler self-involved play-time. She's becoming a great little helper and I can't wait to do girl projects with her when she gets older. I picture us quilting and scrapbooking together, crafting, gardening and cooking. Hopefully that is her vision too. :-)
Isabelle is still so little and yet she has grown so much already. Yesterday she discovered her toes for the first time. She's starting to lift herself up if she's laying on a Boppy pillow. And she's learned to sleep contently in her swing. There is the new bedtime at 7:30pm. While that gives me much needed quality time with my husband and also quality bedtime stories for the other two, I have to admit that I miss walking around with my little one sleeping on me. Very much. But I know it's selfish of me to want to hold her and if her sleep is better without me holding her. Again, on one hand I get some rest and quality time, on the other hand, my baby no longer needs me to soothe her.
Parenting is such a whirl-wind of emotions. It seems both happy and sad can be tied up into the same milestones. Regret and excitement can walk hand-in-hand.
I always have this incredible fear that it will all go by too fast and that I won't enjoy them enough. It is my goal, every day, to forget about overdoing the housework and to enjoy them more than ever. Lately, that is starting to work a lot better. Funny that it got better with the third child where I have less time. :-) I'm a work in progress for sure. But my goal is to be a mommy in the moment, to always put them first and to enjoy every second with them.

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